As much as I love to dance and despite the fact I’ve been dancing for years, I consider myself a novice dancer (click here for my dance resume). I don’t mean to discount any of the classes I’ve taken but they only skimmed the surface*. I often felt as though I was taking the same class over and over but with a different instructor. Once in a while I would find a class that pushed me, but my ever-changing life never allowed me to stay long. My work schedule would change or I would move, and I’d find myself searching for another challenging class only to find myself taking a basic course because that was all that could be found and it was better than nothing.
It would be easy to focus on what could have been had I received quality training when I started taking classes at age eighteen. I see and hear other stories of dancers who got a late start and wonder about the dancer I could have become. But life is what it is. I cannot change the past. I’ve learned that I can’t allow my lack of training to impede my enjoyment of dance or my participation in its various styles and expressions. All I can do is focus on becoming the best dancer I can be in this moment.
Of course there are days when it is rather difficult to watch an exquisite dance performance and not experience a twinge of jealousy. But instead of wallowing in the sea of what-could-have-been, I allow the beauty created by other dancers to further motivate me as a dancer.
My journey through dance has been more about becoming the woman God has created me to be than about becoming the best dancer in the world. As I pursue my passion, I continue to gain insight and grow in self-knowledge.
And so my training continues. My most recent dance classes have been amazingly helpful in this pursuit by pushing me beyond what I thought myself capable of. I choose not to think about the dancer I might have become because I’d much rather enjoy the dancer I currently am.
*Disclaimer: This has not been the case with my current class, which has been challenging, bad habit-breaking, grueling and great fun!
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“I don’t consider myself to be a ballerina: I’m not stick thin, and to be honest, I love food too much to ever be. However I am a dancer. And whenever my brain has become overflown with too many ideas or the hours in each day just aren’t long enough (damn the necessity of sleep!), I realize I am reaching my tipping point and need to reenergize. I seek my refuge and fall to my body’s sanctuary, a position at the ballet barre with canvas ballet slippers on my feet and my hair tightly wound in a bun. But most importantly, it is Dieter Rieslewho I seek, one of my very first ballet teachers who molded me into the dancer (and person) that I am today…
